Success Is Not For Everybody

One of the most puzzling aspects of my persona that has developed over the years is my proclivity for self destructive behavior. I first noticed this in my poker playing but soon realized it was a life long affliction. It seems whenever I am happy and doing well financially, with no real concerns and nothing to do but figure out ways to enjoy myself, I do something stupid and the next thing you know, escape velocity from heaven is achieved. As I plummet towards hell I expend great amounts of energy to get back to where I was peacefully resting a short time earlier. I tend to spend my life vacillating between these two states; constantly expending energy, ultimately moving very little from one extreme to the other. As I go through my life in this erratic manner I often ask myself whether this is really worth the effort, wouldn't I be better off simply vacationing with my lovely wife and visiting with my wonderful children, I mean at the end of the day, what is really the goal? however, my true id always prefers the friction, almost as if it read a poster somewhere which stated "it is the journey, not the goal", and now is determined to exist according to this adage. It seems there is great inner strength borne of adversity, so much so that we often invoke self destructive actions designed to return to the frustrated state. It is perhaps ingrained in one to seek this volatility rather than the tranquility offered at either end of the spectrum.

Or maybe I'm just insane.